I went out for some snowday shots before sunset on Saturday. It looks as if we have another round of winter on the way. I took the wide angle lens out and used it. Above is my best shot of my little drive outside of town.
So after a few days to cool my temper. I totally get why people don't understand how to get good prints or why crops can be different and not standard. That's the difference in education. I'm also understanding the idea of proofing for certain sizes etc. But I'm tired of worrying about it. I'm also tired of other people being more worried about me having "business" than I am.
I am not IN this to have every weekend booked! I'm not in this to be so stressed I can't keep up with anything but portrait editing. I'm not in this to worry if someone's hair is out of place in their photos, I could CARE LESS about anyone's hair (well mine - duh). But seriously reconsidering working in a business surrounding the vanity of women. I love candid photography. I love giving someone clear and in focus wedding shots for a decent price because I know there aren't a lot of us out there. But right now, January of 2015 I'm not booking. I need to get through this mountainous laundry pile. I need to get my daughter on the road to total independence. So there is work to be done.
So, I'm back to realizing that photography is an art. I also realize that academia has had a stronger impact on me than I previously thought.
Now being a somewhat vain, materialistic female it seems to be at odds that I am somewhat not really desiring to continue a longterm endeavor in working with this type of clientele. But I've met some people that I love doing photography for and with, especially if we collaborate.
But I love photography for the time I spend ALONE. I love it because I can be alone! I can be out by myself in nature, it gives me a reason to chase the sunset, to go to state parks. It gives me reason to study real history and place. I like developing skills. I like developing skills with portraiture but eventually that will pass. My love of solitude is why I have these skills. So, it's taking something that is very personal and internal and I'm not sure I want to give that away anymore.
There are things I value more than my ability to make money from them. Now, if I quit doing portrait photography I will need to make money. But, I just reactivated some online applications and I feel like I need to move back towards academia and away from being in a business based upon the vanity of others.
I don't have to sell my soul. My hobby doesn't need to be a profession, no matter how good I am at it. I'm under no obligation to sell it to anyone. I would like to share it, I would like to teach others who want to be portrait photographers skills in placing great landscapes in their work. I don't mind some business, but I have to have weekends. Christmas weekend is not enough for me to feel like myself again. I just keep having ads pop up on my Facebook "Make Money At Photography." - Now I'm asking myself, why?
I was told I was selling myself short, that not having higher prices meant I didn't value myself? Why? Who determines how I value myself? I value myself more if I have time to exercise, if I have time to shoot landscapes on my weekends. I value myself more if I can keep up with a mountain of laundry, can cook occasionally. I don't value a stressed out me, rushing to mail sessions at the post office. I do not have to have this become my life.
Sometimes it takes something small to set in motion a change. January 2011, I set in motion a change to meet a longterm goal, the goal is meaningless now but the friends I've gained from grad school it are what ultimately matter to me now.
Just because you are good at something or talented does not mean that it is what you have to do with your life. You are not obligated to give your skills back to society. They are your skills, your knowledge, you don't owe them to anyone. The men of minds.